So i think a lightbulb may of gone off in my head today.. Ive not been well.. ive managed to force myself through work just cos of the fact that im desperate for money really because im saving funds! But after work.. i came home.. to drink lemsip and lay on the sofa.. then i turned on this tv programme called "say no to the knife" i think... there was a woman on it.. size 14, used to be in the RAF from 16-20yrs old, then had 2 kids and got married...
She never had time to grow up and find her place has a woman in the world. She used to be a tom boy and never wanted to wear dresses and all her friends mostly seemed to be men... This scared me how much of a resemblance she was to me.. Fair enough ive not joined the RAF, had 2 kids or been married BUT having guys has my best friends, not really growing up girly, i was a tom boy for most of my youth and i liked it...
I guess this is why being girly is alien to me.. although the last two years of my life i have made an effort, ive bought dresses, more girly clothes, must say "baggy clothes" too... this was to hide everything... but anyway back to that programme... They made her write lots of stickers about the woman she'd "love to be"... These included, independant, confident, loves herself in her own skin, beautiful, amazing, vulnerable along with quite a few others.. and while i sat there watching her cry about it i thought... why is this like me?!
....So 5mins later it clicked in my head... im confident, im independant, i love who i am, i think im pretty, beautiful, amazing and the others too... but i never ever believed in myself before.. Yeah i maybe larger, but why would that stop me from being all them things? Its not stopping the person that i am, i reckon i may of just got slapped around the face with the invisible fish.. i may of just woken up to reality that i am really a good person that i never knew i was all these years gone by..
Silly Lauren - i guess its time to live life properly yes?
In other news ive booked an hotel room for 9th July 2010 in Nottingham for 2 nights... i am only going if i drop a stone at least by then.. im sure i will but this is meant to be a bit of motivation for me to move myself and go for it - i got a cold atm so i wont be going gym until sunday/monday... talkin about monday ive got "fat clinic" well phoenix weightloss management.. bit like weightwatchers for free though - wish me luck!
She never had time to grow up and find her place has a woman in the world. She used to be a tom boy and never wanted to wear dresses and all her friends mostly seemed to be men... This scared me how much of a resemblance she was to me.. Fair enough ive not joined the RAF, had 2 kids or been married BUT having guys has my best friends, not really growing up girly, i was a tom boy for most of my youth and i liked it...
I guess this is why being girly is alien to me.. although the last two years of my life i have made an effort, ive bought dresses, more girly clothes, must say "baggy clothes" too... this was to hide everything... but anyway back to that programme... They made her write lots of stickers about the woman she'd "love to be"... These included, independant, confident, loves herself in her own skin, beautiful, amazing, vulnerable along with quite a few others.. and while i sat there watching her cry about it i thought... why is this like me?!
....So 5mins later it clicked in my head... im confident, im independant, i love who i am, i think im pretty, beautiful, amazing and the others too... but i never ever believed in myself before.. Yeah i maybe larger, but why would that stop me from being all them things? Its not stopping the person that i am, i reckon i may of just got slapped around the face with the invisible fish.. i may of just woken up to reality that i am really a good person that i never knew i was all these years gone by..
Silly Lauren - i guess its time to live life properly yes?
In other news ive booked an hotel room for 9th July 2010 in Nottingham for 2 nights... i am only going if i drop a stone at least by then.. im sure i will but this is meant to be a bit of motivation for me to move myself and go for it - i got a cold atm so i wont be going gym until sunday/monday... talkin about monday ive got "fat clinic" well phoenix weightloss management.. bit like weightwatchers for free though - wish me luck!
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